Santa Claus is coming to town!!

Hello again my dear viewers,

It is that time again. Christmas is drawing ever closer. Which of course demands that I post a long insightful bit about the splendor of life, love, and the pursuit of material goodness.

I love Christmas time. I suppose that might be naive to say at nineteen years of age but none the less I love the cheer of the season.

With that said, I've been wanting to get something off my chest.... Here goes...

I like Christmas music.....There I said it! Don't hate me.

It's true, I came to the self realization this year that once the snow starts falling, and Christmas lights pop up, I ENJOY LISTENING TO CHRISTMAS MUSIC. Phew.... I feel like I just came out of the closet of Christmas music liking... I even made a mix of Christmas songs. But before you Scrooges out there begin to think less of me let me explain; I like classy Christmas music. I'm not talking about the poppy Christmas crap of todays generations. I'm talking about the OLD suff, like Sinatra, Bing Crosby, Gene Autry, And Ellla Fitzgerald. Many of the songs by these "crooners" date back to the 40's. But don't get me wrong, it is my belief that Christmas music should NOT be played until the very least the day after Thanksgiving, and must immediately stop the day after Christmas.

I hung ornaments on the Christmas tree today. It is one of my favorite parts of Christmas. I'm not sure why I like it so much. I suppose ever since I was a kid I've loved to hang ornaments. As I sat by the tree today sipping coffee I remembered the joy I felt as a kid when the tree would slowly get more shimmer, and eventually fill up underneath with brightly wrapped gifts.

Speaking of gifts, for once I'm actually on time with Christmas shopping. This is due to two reasons. The first reason being that I told myself I would not do it before last minute this year and the second is because I forced myself into as much online shopping as was possible to do. Don't get me wrong; I think online shopping is convenient and fast but it also can be fun to go out to actual stores too. Anyways, If you read my last post you will know I'm not great at managing my money. A few months back I bought a DVD off amazon.com, and used a free trial membership to their "prime" service to get free shipping. Unfortunately I forgot to cancel that free membership and my checking account was charged almost $80.00 dollars for a year subscription. The prime membership gives me access to free 2 day shipping on most items which is a great value but it's not worth what I was charged for it. So I've decided to get the most out of it and shop online this year. So far its working out pretty well, so at least I've done my best to fall on my feet I guess.

In other random and disconnected news,

Work is going well. Except for the recent Ice Storms which makes taking pizzas to someones door like skating across an ice rink filled with random objects. Though, The tips have been pretty good.

The playoffs for my family's Fantasy Football league are in sight. Unless Marques Colston plays the best game of the season, I will beat my brother winning my 4th consecutive game and will secure the 4th playoff seat. I've got my fingers crossed!

Also, I love Guitar Hero but I'm seriously stuck on 3s and 7s by Queens of the Stone Age on hard. The main riff is so damn hard. I seriously think I'm gonna chuck the guitar out the window in a minute.

In the event of admitting guilty pleasure music, I might be sacrificing some of my masculinity to admit this, but I also really like John Mayer. Although Most known for his radio overkilled pop fests like "Your body is a wonderland" He is actually a damn good guitarist. I mean the dude can seriously play some delicious blues/jazz guitar. Don't believe me? Listen to his cover of Hendrix's "Bold as Love" There is some face melting soloing. Also if you don't trust his guitar ability on his own work try out "Back to You" for some crisp jazzy licks. It's not as fast but it is really tasty.

Going back to Guitar Hero, and relating to non-guilty pleasure music; I obtained a copy of "Mothership" Led Zeppelin's newest greatest hits album with tracks awesomely remastered and hand picked by the now reunited members. In the light of talking about good guitar, I'm just gonna come out and say this: Jimmy Page is a Guitar God. I mean seriously listen to the solo in "Heartbreaker".... It's like putting one's face in a oven. I mean it seriously rocks! There is no reason in the world why Zeppelin is not featured in any of the guitar hero games. I sat and pretended to play the songs with my little plastic guitar and enjoyed it the other day! I can only imagine how fun it could be in the real game. But seriously if for whatever lame reason you don't like Zeppelin, go and listen to "Mothership" and come back to me. Without trying to sound like a self righteous zeppelin zealot, it will blow your mind.

Well thats all folks,

I can't guarantee how much I will update during the holidays but I'll do my best!







Sam

1984 and other thoughts.

I just got back a few hours ago from my 4 day weekend in Bloomington. It was well worth the trip as always. It was great to see my lovely girlfriend Kim and my 3 cousins Alex, Jilayne, and Chaz. Unfortunately I can fairly say I went over my budget for the trip as I seem to do every time. I always run into unexpected expenses no matter how much I plan. Oh well. As I said before I definitely enjoy going there and it is worth it, even if I go a few bucks over budget. That is not to say it's not irksome though. I used to not be so anal about money. I don't know if I'm just getting more mature about it, or becoming a tightwad. I guess either outcome is possible. Kim pointed out that ever since the Canada trip I have been more aware of my money, which I suppose is true. The Canada Trip http://thisiscanada.blogspot.com/ was a rather costly en devour. I think part of it though is not so much a single moment in time but the gradual realization that I will have college coming up soon and it will indefinitely become a black hole on my bank account. Besides Christmas is just around the corner and I can't underestimate the cost of that either.

Driving home tonight gave me couple solid hours to finish my latest muse of an audio novel. 1984 By George Orwell. In short, the book is none short of profound. However I owe it more than such a short description.

The Book was written in 1948 and provides a dystopian view of the future through Orwell's politically charged imagination. The novel centers around Winston Smith a middle class person living in the totalitarian society of Oceania. Winston dares to stray from the ideals of the party and "big brother" the famous character from the Novel. This is the main focus of the plot.

The novel was really gripping for a number of reasons. The first reason was that I felt like Orwell was way ahead of his time (literally) in how the novel was written. The language was clear and concise and the way he paints out the lifestyle of "the future" is in many ways strikingly real. Orwell also provides a lot of good characterization and details to bring the novel to life. However the main reason why this book blew my mind was how disturbing it was and how easily it got under my skin. Not only does Orwell describe the utter dehumanization of millions of people but he makes it seem so painful tangible. While I read the book I remembered thinking several times how glad I am to have the simple freedoms our society and government allows. For example the blog I'm writing at this moment is an exercise in Freedom of Speech. In the society from the book I would have been killed for "thought crime." While this might seem absurd the more one thinks about it the more possible it appears that a government entity with enough power has the power to completely control a human being. One of the abilities of the government in the book was the ability to control peoples minds. The scary thing is it wasn't by some futuristic technology but rather the total control of all media so as to completely control the information that people received regardless of it were true or not. The Novel ultimately begs the question, What if a Stalin/Hitler esque Totalitarian society was able to survive and evolve? It is something that is not totally unthinkable. Also what if the said society was able to realize its own evil and accept it as a means to gain power for the mere lure of power itself.

This was definitely an awesome read, and I highly recommend it. However it obviously wasn't much of a feel good book. In fact the only redemption it offers might be the warning it hides beneath it's pages.

That's about all I got tonight,




Sam

Post Thanksgiving update

So it's officially 2 days after Thanksgiving weekend as I write this, and I'm back on the blogging scene, watch out endless void that is the internet.

I suppose I should start with saying that I had a great Thanksgiving, I pwned a lot of turkey, got to see my girlfriend, and best friend, as well as all of my near and dear relatives. In all it was a great holiday. I have always loved how close our family is, something that always shows when we fill my Uncles House to the point of it probably being a fire hazard every Thanksgiving. This year we had 25 people. We managed to get everyone on one long table too! Though one long table is a little bit deceiving, as it was actually several that were put together.

It is so damn rainy outside. This weather is terribly depressing. Truthfully I have a soft spot for snowy weather and I would much rather it start snowing than raining.

Not a whole lot is new with me. I decided to start reading again.. well sort of. I started listening to an audiobook. It is the Novel 1984 by George Orwell. It is an American classic of sorts. I listened to several chapters tonight on my iPod at work. I love my Ipod.. It seriously has changed my life. Anyways, I'm glad to get back to reading. It is one of those things that I always feel guilty if I'm not doing it. Reading is like brain food Ive always thought. I have never been a big fiction reader though, Personally I find a lot of fiction to be rather meaningless. When I read a book I like to think I have become more cultured from it, or learned from it. Stephen King for example, I find to be an awesome writer. However his work can just as easily be accessed by his movies, that take much less time to digest. I will admit however, I have always been a big fan of the American classics. starting Junior year of Highschool I fell in Love with Ernest Hemingway, and soon devoured other authors like Steinbeck, Faulkner and, Fitzgerald. I spent many hours in class reading the classics rather than paying attention to the lectures and lessons that seemed to contain such less value. I guess that probably explains why I don't have a lot to show for Highschool. I don't regret it though.

I remember the first time I read Ernest Hemingway. It was his 2nd published Novel "The Sun Also Rises." I really struggled with the writing at first. I remember I nearly put the book down. Hemingway's writing seemed so to-the-point and dry. Amazingly though I decided to stick with it and it was good decision to. By the end of the book, I felt as if I had been to Pamplona Spain and ran with the bulls, and watched the bullfights, fished in the country streams, gotten wasted for nights at a time off wine and fabled absinthe and gained nothing but a profound sense that life for the characters was nothing more than events and entertainment. The novel was so achingly brilliant. I ate it all up after that.

Perhaps when I finish 1984 I can write a review on here about it.

We shall see though,

Thats all I got for now




Sam

Why politics matter

Yesterday I logged onto facebook and received a message from a high school classmate of mine. In the message he stated he was planning a "goodbye" party because in February he would be leaving for Iraq.

I of course had heard rumors about the local guard unit going over to Iraq but this actually confirmed them.

The moment I finished reading it was almost like a reality check. I'm so used to hearing about the war on the internet, and TV, but to actually know that someone I went to school with and regularly talked to will be going half way across the world to fight in the war is a crazy thought.

It makes me wonder how my mom must have felt being a high-schooler during the Vietnam War. One of her close friends was killed in the Vietnam War. It is a subject that is painful for her to talk about. It is really shocking to think that my Generation is almost mirroring the situation hers was in.

Our country is torn between Peace and Imperialism. We are conducting a war without logic or reason. We were lied to by going to Iraq in the first place and now were attempting to force an entire country to liberate itself and we have nearly ignited civil war between age old Islamic rivals.

Seeing that message reminded me why I care about Politics.

I care about politics because I don't want that classmate of mine to come back to U.S. soil in a body bag, or with lifelong injuries mental or physical.

I believe America is a great country because we have the power of change. We must use it. I see many young people my age and older who just don't think it matters but IT DOES. These may be the defining moments of our generation and we must rise to them as the generations before us did.

When pets die

Today was a particularly rough day. Our family had to make the decision to put down one of our oldest and most beloved cats, "Stinky."Stinky had fallen deathly ill with kidney failure and the doctors gave her a slim chance of survival if they could even succeed in saving her kidneys. It would also be an expensive undertaking and she would have likely needed fluid shots constantly for the rest of her life. So today as I held her skinny and nearly lifeless body in my arms I went through the mental acceptance that it was the right thing to do to end her suffering. Thus is the difficult process all pet owners must some day face. They say the right things to do are not always the easiest. That is definitely true.

We had Stinky since she was a kitten and she was well taken care of. A few years ago she had liver problems and we were able to bring her back from near death by force feeding her but she was much younger then and we caught it earlier. Needless to say Stinky lived a long and comfortable life. If animals have souls I hope hers has found rest. . She was 12 years old, which is quite a bit in cat years I'm guessing.

That is a long time we are thankful to have had her as our pet. She was one of the best we could have asked for.

Of Redemption and Failure

Tonight the Colts lost again. Adam Vinatieri missed two field goals (1 a potiential game winner) and Peyton Manning threw an apalling 7 interceptions. The Colts started the game looking as ugly as they have ever been and yet even tough they were down by 23 with a field full of injuries they managed to claw back from the jaws of defeat and almost clenched the victory.

I think it's easy to point fingers and get angry at the Colts but honestly I have never been more proud to call myself a fan. We mounted one of the best comebacks possible. It was the same "Never Say Die" attitude that carried the Colts through the AFC Championship last year.

The list of injuries grew tonight to an even more extraordinary level as 2nd and even 3rd person backups came into play. Like a wounded giant though, they pulled together. Even players that were injured gutted through and made it clear that they would not just be plowed over. To put it simple.. they never gave up.

I know that many NFL pundits love to pick on the Colts but tonight the Colts proved case in point why they are an inspirational team.

"I believe in Blue," as the saying goes.

..and I do believe that the colts still have EVERY bit of what it takes to be the 2008 Superbowl Champs. I also believe that a truly great Football isn't team isn't measured in blowout wins and record numbers but rather the ability to win and (lose) tough games with great stride, passion and teamwork. That is athleticism at its core.

This is why that even on nights like tonight I'm still proud to be a Colts fan.

Thats my two,



Sam

Writers Strike: Good Intentions, Bad Outcome

So the title makes the intention of this post clear. The WGA (Writers Guild of America) has been on strike since November 1st. Basically for those who haven't heard the gist of the strike is that members of the WGA, (which number in the thousands) are refusing to work because they aren't receiving any money for modern media residuals like DVD sales, and internet downloads. The Strike has caused numerous popular TV shows to shut down including my favorite TV show "The Office"

I was totally stunned when I heard about the strike. Next Thursday "The Office" will show it's final new episode and then most likely will get overtaken by re-runs. This really irks me because they had like 20 more upcoming episodes.

I feel like the writers have a valid point. New media platforms like the internet are becoming ever more viable sources of watching TV and Movies. However what really bothers me is that because the writers are on strike around 90% of the other employees that work on the TV shows are getting laid off. The writers make more money than the rest of the crew and yet they have decided to take the entire ship down with them. I just have a hard time seeing how that isn't a selfish initiative.

I also dislike how Hollywood is being utterly stupid with this situation though too. It's estimated that Hollywood makes Billions of dollars. Thats right BILLIONS of dollars off the "New Media" platforms, and yet is unwilling to share even a modicum amount of that with the people who created the content in the first place. On top of that Hollywood also believes that by just showing re-runs and reality TV they will put an end to the strike on their own terms. It's so arrogant and stupid in my opinion that Hollywood thinks that the general American public will be indefinitely satisfied by watching whatever crap they put on TV. Plus, I think it is impossible for them to win this strike. They will lose incredible sums of money when eventually the movie industry goes dead. The actors might want to work, but without professional writers to write scripts there will be no movies to act in.

For the sake of decent entertainment I hope both sides get off their collectivly selfish asses and reach an agreement. Because the way I see it right now it's a lose-lose-lose situation. The writers don't get paid, Hollywood doesn't make money, and the American public has to watch crap.

The road of life

I have a playlist on my iTunes called "Reflection Mix." It is a hodge podge of songs encompassing several genres of music. Most of the tunes are "mellow" in character. It is my playlist for the times when I simply want to "think"

The soothing jazz/blues guitar of David Gilmour is taking me to another place tonight.

The news came tonight that my mother lost the local election she was running in. She will be leaving her job of 16 years. She is devastated to leave it yet I know she maintains a spark of optimism. She has always relied on a strong belief that "Things are meant to happen." She has often told me "God never closes one door without opening another."

I do not care to call myself A Christian. Yet every part of me wants to believe what she says. I wish I had the ability to gracefully accept that which I cannot comprehend. I have seen the comfort it can bring.

I believe that life comes together as a tapestry of events woven together by all the little choices we make everyday. I think that man is mostly in control of his own destiny. We choose which path to take, yet every path is filled with chance, luck, and circumstance. It is these things that make life exciting.

I hope my mom can come to embrace the change. Lately I have been contemplating the changes I must make. In January I will go back to school. I know I have bickered about it before but my emotions have begun to slowly change lately. I'm beginning to be excited about it. I miss the mental stimulation of school. Plus, even as a person who is slow to accept change, I still know it is necessary. I remind myself of when I switched employment a year and half ago. It was scared to make the change, and it brought many challenges. Yet I now have a job that I like much better.

It is easy to find reasons to justify our situations, However hindsight is always 20/20. Perhaps the best thing we can do is just accept the choices we make and enjoy the ride on the road of life.

I think this line from Led Zeppelin's Stairway to Heaven describes my feelings better than I can

"Yes there are two paths you can go by
but in the long run
There's still time to change the road you're on"

Football: The Great American Drama

Hello All,

Sorry about my little hiatus,

My computer has been out of commission lately as I was in the process of upgrading my video card. Since I'm a PC gamer (Pause for laughter and nerd jokes) I have the wonderful pleasure of upgrading my video card more times than I change my underwear... JK JK :) But enough of this babble.

As many of you know one of the greatest match ups in Pro Football occurred Sunday as the Indianapolis Colts faced off against the New England Patriots. For those of you who don't know I'm a Colts fan. It was one of the most media hyped Football games to occur in recent memory. The Patriots were the media favorite, as they almost always have been. The won the game by a score of 24-20. Though I have my thoughts about how both teams performed, I do not intend for this post to be a rant, or even a description of the game.

As my family and I sat around the tube watching the game and eating delicious chicken quesadillas my oldest cousin asked "I don't see how people can get so into watching sports." I don't recall anyone responding to her. My girlfriend Kim often complains to me the same thought.

I think to answer that question I must first explain why I'm a Colts fan.

The first reason is simple. Ever since I was old enough to contemplate NFL Football the colts have been at least a decent team. Lets face it, Nobody wants to root for a team that sucks. It's far more interesting to watch a team that is good than a team that is bad. When I say a "good" team I don't even mean an all-star team. It just simply has to be a team that has the ability and skill to win games, and players that are interesting to watch. Of course the issue of being a "Bandwagon fan" could also be discussed here but thats another story. Becoming a fan is different than maintaining it.

The other and most important reason is because they are the Home Team. I used to like other Football teams but about 5 years ago I finally settled on the Colts as my favorite team primarily for this reason. The obvious reason to support the home team is the distance to the stadium. It's fun to watch a game in the stadium. NFL football is biggest American sporting event and fans prove that every week when they fill thousands upon thousands of seats and cheer till their throats are sore. It's awesome to experience that. The best part of rooting for the home team though for me is the sense of community I get. Football brings people together. Whether it's just a simple compliment for my Jersey at the Buffet Line, or getting together with Co-Workers to watch the game, there is something more than just the sport its self. When the Colts win I know I'm not the only person thats in a good mood. And just as they lose, I know I'm not the only person moping.

Football is an awesome sport. It is a sport that combines physical tenacity, with great skill. Unlike many other sports the Football season ends with a single game that carries more weight and bragging rights than any other sport in the U.S. It's also a long way to the top, and getting there for any team will always leave a great story.

The Game itself always leaves great stories. Stories like David Vs. Goliath, or Good Vs. Evil. It could represent the perseverance of the human spirit when a team makes a great comeback. Or the solidarity in accepting a close defeat. It is a game that can evoke so many emotions. There is no feeling like following a team all the way through the entire season to see them Win a super bowl. It's like watching a great movie, with every season game the plot evolves and deepens, and finally the movie finishes with an ending that lingers in your mind for days to come.

For these reasons I have come to love the game of Football for the Great American Drama that it is.

Times like these

Monday was Kim's 21st birthday. Unfortunately I was not there to celebrate it with her. As the clock struck midnight and she became another milestone older and I had nothing but bittersweet words of congratulations to offer over a telephone line. This has been the story of my life lately though. It seems like every day I have been away from High school and away from my friends I become slightly more "disconnected." It is an ironic word I suppose.. In this age I remain connected to them in so many ways, most people I care about are only a click or a call away.. and yet I still feel a tremendous sense of distance times. It's not a sense of anger.. or jealously that I feel.. but rather a feeling of being lost.. Yet I'm "lost" in a place that has always been home to me. The people, the houses, the roads, the buildings, the jobs, and the community that have always brought me comfort are now offering it in more scarce amounts it seems. I know there are many roads to choose but I just don't know which is the right one.

I've enrolled in classes at Ivy Tech in Ft. Wayne. I'm going to Ivy Tech not by choice but more by circumstance. I tried to get into IPFW but got rejected. It is a hard thought to swallow even still. I couldn't even get into IPFW, the main Ft. Wayne community college. Some people make fun of me, and other people try to cheer me up and encourage me. Both concepts frusterate me. I either feel stupid, or feel like I'm being told what to do.

I'm the only one to blame for my destiny though. I gave up in Math in Highschool and struggled with Science. I took a placement test for IVY tech that placed me at a "Pre-Algebra" math level. The idea floors me. I'm so bad at Math I put myself as far back as middle school. Unfourtunately I need to be at a College level in Math before I can transfer to IPFW. That means several semesters of remedial Math. It makes me frusterated beyond words. In fact It is waste of me typing how much I struggle at Math because nobody can possible understand, and thus nobody can possibly offer advice that will not just frusterate me more.

I had to get alot of tutering from my cousin to pass the ISTEP back in Highschool. We spent alot of time in the Summer working on hypothetical math problems. To my amazement, I passed the test...barely.

Yet I learned two lessons from this: A. I can do any math I put my mind to. and B. It's probably not worth my energy.

It sucks,

Truthfully I'm excited to take college classes. I would love to take college level writing, English, History, and Social Studies classes yet I'm held back by this damn brain of mine that can't digest some uber smart politician's idea of correct "standards" of Mathmatics.

My family has been supportive-ish of me in my endevours though. I say ish merely because I pretty much haven't felt this lowley of myself and my ambitions since middle school. When I broke the news I wanted to take a break, I hoped for some positive reinforcment and some guidence.. But all I got was a feeling of disaproval. I have never felt so abandoned by those I thought I could count on. This is simply how I felt, and I can't just undue feelings because someone says to. But as I said supportive-ish before, I still maintain the "support" part. That is because I know they all mean the best for me. I know they don't want me to falter and be left with a path that I did not want, or choose.

I will try Ivy Tech. The best thing I can do is go in an try my best. If I dont make it at least I can dropout knowing that I gave it my best shot. I know this is the right thing to do.

In the meantime, I guess I have to just take things a day at a time. I can be thankful for what I have. I like my job and the people I work with. I feel like I have somewhat of a social life when I go into work on Friday and there is lots of people there. I can also be thankful for technology which is keeping me closer to my friends than I give credit to.

Alas I keep telling myself there is a place in this world for me somewhere. I will find it one of these days.

Thats all I got...

until next time,


sam

S.D.A.W.M.A (Sleep Deprevation Associated with Mild Arachnophobia)

WARNING: This post contains reflections of a personal encounter with an arachnid commonly known as a "SPIDER" If you have trouble dealing with the thought of said creature please refrain from reading this post. assiram



I have had trouble sleeping lately.

Two Nights ago, I went downstairs for a drink and returned to my room see a rather large spider on the wall slightly above my bed. I trapped it in a glass for momentary identification and then with the supervision of dad, flushed it down the drain of our sink. I can't say I have an irrational fear of spiders, but at the same time the event unnerved me greatly. I did not fall asleep until after my brother left for school. My parents both teased me about getting so flustered by it. However they ought to be glad it's dead because it looked similar to what a brown recluse looks like. I'm not a spider identifying expert though.

I found another similar looking spider on our porch today. The spider had built a massive flat web in the corner of our porch. The web contained an assortment of bugs the spider had trapped, and destroyed. Though I'm a far superior being, I still was impressed by the little bastard's hunting job. The spider oddly enough bore identical features as the one found in my room, though larger.

Naturally my first instinct was to leave the spider alone. It had obviously done a great job of killing other bugs, some of which were mosquito's. However at the same time, I imagined the spider breeding more spiders and a potential house invasion like the one previously mentioned.

I knew what had to be done.

I went to our basement and grabbed a large bottle with clear liquid in it. It was a bottle of insect spray. On the back I searched the long list of little critters it was capable of killing. Almost at the bottom of the list was the predator of choice; the spider.

Contemplating the task ahead, I summoned my brother to witness the spider killing about to happen knowing he would be entertained by my deed.

I showed him to the web, pointing to a small tunnel in the web where the little dweller was hiding.

I knew I could simply blast the web itself and the job would eventually complete itself. But that would be no fun.

I told Patrick I need another bug to sacrifice to get the spider out in the main part of the web. After scouring the sidewalk for a few moments, the target came into view. It was a black ant, plenty large and quite harmless. I picked up the ant and made sure it couldn't bite me.

Then we quickly went back to the porch and without further a due I dropped the ant onto the spiders web. After a brief struggle the spider emerged with amazing speed out of its hole to inject it's venom and paralyze it's future meal. Patrick blurted out "oh my god" amazed by the sheer size of the spider. It was after all larger than a quarter with legs outstretched.

However as soon as it emerged and pounced on its victim, my lightning fast reflexes leveled the bottle and blasted a deadly splash of bug spray, saturating the foul beast. The spider shot back into its web almost as quick as it came out.

Knowing the show was over, I decided to take my leave but not after blasting a few more shots in the tunnel of the web and on the web itself. I know to some this might be overkill, but I wanted to leave no question that it perish.

After boasting of my successful task to my parents, I forgot about the job for a few hours.

When I returned later I found the spider shriveled into a ball in the middle of its web. dead.


What can I say... slaying spiders ain't easy but someones gotta do it.

Nightmares

Today I awoke at 8 o clock.

I was sort of dazed, contemplating for a few brief seconds that I had just transferred from one body to another. Alas I had woken from a Nightmare. This was the second Nightmare in the last week I have had. I was dreaming that something was wrong with Kim and for some reason I could not contact her. The dream was amazingly vivid, and it was very disturbing to me. I remember little of it now that it is the afternoon. These last two Nightmares have been so strange. I can't say that the things I'm dreaming of have profound implications. These aren't the kind of dreams that I recognize as being significant to my inner emotions. In Psychology we learned that one of the ways to interpret the science of dreaming is that dreams are a way of providing a visual for the sub conscious. I think this is very true. However these dreams left me little to analyze. What I found most strange about them is the fact that I never reached a stage of lucid dreaming. For those who haven't heard the term. Lucid dreaming refers to the ability to realize while dreaming that the dream is a dream and not reality. Normally my mind does this for me but this did not occur to me in these previous two Nightmares. I think that my inability to realize that I was dreaming was the reason they were so vivid. These dreams brought back a memory from my childhood. I was perhaps 6-7.

When I was old enough to go back to the old cemetery behind our house, I jumped at every chance to go explore it. It fascinates me now just as much as it did then. The graves go as far back as the mid 1800's. Among the gravestones are several Civil War stones which have always intrigued the history buff in me. The cemetery has always been like a window to the past. Your probably wondering what this has to do with dreams though.. Read on

Soon after I started exploring the Cemetery I began having a stage in my life when my sleep would constantly be plagued by Nightmares. I regularly awoke at night my heart pounding in terror. I don't remember the content of the dreams anymore but I remember they scared my 7 year old mind greatly. I began spending most nights sleeping with my parents. I think they probably thought it was normal for a kid my age. Unfortunately the Nightmares kept getting worse. I remember clearly not wanting to fall asleep knowing I had to face more Nightmares. One day my mom told me she had purchased a relic from a Native American called a dream catcher. I remember being very agitated at the notion that she thought a stupid Indian toy would cure my Nightmares. I refused to put the object in my room for a number of weeks. The Nightmares did not stop though. Eventually I got over my stubbornness and hung the dream catcher in my room. Mom told me that the little wires in the middle would catch the bad dreams and let the good ones pass through. Amazingly after hanging the dream catcher in my room I stopped having Nightmares. The dream catcher has remained in my room ever since. I rarely have Nightmares anymore. I have contemplated removing it from my room to see if the dreams return but the dream catcher gives me a hint of comfort even now. I'm a believer of Science before Supernatural but I think there is an element of that stage of my life that cannot be explained. To this day I believe that the old cemetery might have had an effect on my dreams and may have even caused the Nightmares. Ever since that time I have believed firmly in the power of dreams. They provide a portal to the mind that in some way we never be able to fully explain.

Fall is finally here

Today Autumn finally covered the landscape of Ossian. Lately the temperatures have been in the 90's, hardly imaginable for October. Yet today the temperatures settled around 50 degrees.

I decided to walk down to the Brew-Ha, our local coffee shop to get something warm to drink. It felt nice outside. The sky was overcast, and wind was gently rustling the yellow and crimson leaves that dotted many of the trees. The air felt cool, and slightly rigid on my face. A big change from the stuffy humid air of Summer. It was also very calm and serene. Other than the wind and the cars driving up and down main street there seemed to be little activity.

I like fall. I can't say it is my favorite season but I like many things about it. Fall represents such a change. Summer is brilliant at first but by August it has usually changed to sweltering heat, and stagnation. Fall represents something more along the lines of inner solitude. This however, is not a solitude of sadness but more one of inner peace and understanding. We make changes in ourselves, just like the weather. We trade our T-shirts for Sweatshirts, and our lawn mowers for rakes. With it all we also gain a renewed sense of our purposes and our desires. The lazy days of summer and the "ill do it tomorrow" attitude is traded for a clearer focus on what is to be done inside and outside of ourselves.

Perhaps I look at this with a more profound sense than I should. I'm sure not everyone would agree that a change in seasons means a change of person. Although for me, all it takes is a walk down the street to realize that my attitude is different than it was a month ago.. I can feel it.

Happy new season,


-Sam

Bad Times

I had a bad night tonight.

Originally I didn't have to work. I was only scheduled 3 days this week and Wednesday wasn't one of them. I figured I would try and pick up some hours though.

I feel like such a bum when I have a lot of days off. While the prospect of sitting at home and doing nothing is a comforting thought at times my better judgment told me I should be at work making money. One of my fellow drivers was nice enough to give me her hours which I was thankful for. 5 o clock until close at midnight was my shift tonight.

My dad was happy I picked up hours. I think he likes to see me working a lot. I remember one day I delivered to Buckhorn while he was on lunch break. He seemed really excited to see me. Later that night he told me that he was really proud of me. I was perplexed and asked him why.. to which he didn't really have an answer other than that "I was workin and doing my job." That has stuck with me though. My dad works extremely hard. The hours he works seems almost nightmarish to me, especially at a job where people only temporarily last... It is a source of inspiration to me in a way. In a way, I hope that whatever I end up doing in life I can be as committed to it as dad is to working at Buckhorn.

But.. I'm straying from the topic I wanted to discuss...

As I said.. I had a bad night tonight..

I had a delivery for Sunrise way off of Dustman road in Bluffton. Sunrise way is a small street that sits next to another small street "Sunset Dr". The latter of the two is surprisingly much more of a bad area even though its in the same vicinity.

anyways, the delivery was routine at first. I slowly crept down the street eyeballing the dimly let house numbers until I arrived at the right address.

I got out of my car and began heading up to the front door when I promptly fell in a ditch.

It took me completely by surprise... Originally I thought I had fallen into a manhole or something. It was deep, watery, and very muddy.. more of a pit than a ditch. The first few seconds I was sort of in shock. My mind was adjusting to what had just happened. I was able to pull one of my feet out but the other was deeply lodged in the muck. I Pulled hard, and at first I nearly panicked feeling like I was stuck in the mud and sinking even further. The mud was already up to my thighs. By this time the people who's house it was were eyeballing me curiously from the doorway. By the time they started heading towards me I had managed to free myself from the pit. Needless to say I was covered in mud. My legs were caked and my boots felt like they weighed 10 pounds more than normal. The people thought I had fallen but quickly realized I had fallen into the mud pit in their yard. At first I still kind of in shock. I just sort of stood there sopping in muddy pants. Somehow the pizza was okay.. She quickly began to explain how upset she was about it and how it was city property that they would not properly take care of it. She explained the water had been there for 3 weeks and the city refused to do anything until the water went away. I couldn't hardly believe it.

We finished the transaction and by that time I had made a phone call to my manager who had arrived with trash bags to cover my car seat and pedal area while I got a change of clothes. I took off towards Ossian.

When I arrived at home, I undressed on the porch and went inside to put on clothes. The mud was so bad though that it had actually seeped through my pants and my legs were covered in it. So not only did I have to change clothes but I had to wash my legs too!

Tomorrow I'm going to find out if I can file and incident report or something. I missed an hour of work because of my mud bath .

And if thats not bad enough, when I finally arrived at home I bumped into dads truck when parking in front of my house. The damage is minimal I think. Just a black streak of plastic that rubbed off from dads bumper.

A perfect end to a perfectly messed up night I guess.

More to come later.



-Sam

A Fresh Start

Welcome; Friends, Family, and strangers. This is my new blog.

The decision was simple really. After taking my recent road trip to Canada and blogging the adventure I realized how much I miss writing. Since I have been out of school I haven't really been writing much. I had forgotten how therapeutic it was to me. A new blog seemed appropriate I guess. I like using blogger better than Xanga I think.. It seems more mature.

I hope this will serve as a portal for my thoughts, and imagination. I will attempt to update this regularly. Let me know if you enjoy it.

Thank you, and welcome to Good Times Bad Times (Redux)