We've got tonight

It's been dawning on me lately. Changes are definitely coming...

It hit me hard tonight...

As I looked in the cabinets for a late meal, the only choice was Ramen noodles. Our cabinets are usually fairly full but we didn't want to hit the grocery store again before break. For some reason it just really made me depressed. Maybe it was the back drop of the kitchen table littered with what seems like the majority of our belongings.

We haven't had this much stuff packed up since we moved in. It's only been what... 5 months? Seems like much longer tonight though.

It's hard to believe how quick this place became home to me. I feel comfortable in this apartment. When we first moved in I remember vaguely how it seemed like a hotel room. It's so much more than that now... I told myself that the place would only be home if we filled it with memories to make it seem like one... even in 5 months I can definitely say we did that.

When I come back I hope it will still feel like the same place. We will have a new roommate then. I hope she likes me. I mean sure I'm friends with her but living with her will be a very interesting experience. I can't help but admit my discomfort with the situation. I was never really supposed to be in this situation to begin with. The only reason I'm living here is because she took up an internship in Florida which would have left Kim alone, and paying a disproportionate amount of rent. I feel like when she moves in I will be a third wheel of sorts. After all she never really wanted to live with me--that was never her original choice. I can only hope that I will make a good roommate; and we will get along. If we don't I'm on my own to figure out where to live next year. It's a hard thought to swallow, especially when this place is really starting to feel like home.

Also when I get back, I will be starting a new Major. It's computer networking, something I'm still not sure is the right choice. I like computers and all but I can't help but wonder if it's really what I want to do... or if ill even be cut out for it. If I fail.. It's back to the drawing board...all this uncertainty is really stressing me out.

I will also be turning 21 right when I get back. I'm excited as hell... what college student isn't? But as I ate dinner with my two cousins last night one of them made a good point; Turning 21 is the last age landmark that counts until death..something which is rather depressing.

I feel like there is an iceberg looming ahead of me and I feel like I have to somehow chart "the ship of life" around it without collision, and I'm very worried I'll sink like the Titanic.

I feel like sort like a rolling stone, like that Bob Dylan song.. It's a very weird feeling to not even know what the entire near future holds for me. I'm just going through life like a rolling stone right now.

I need to go to bed so I can travel tomorrow, my road warrior instinct (which I owe to my family) is telling me I need to roll, but I just can't let tonight go..

It all makes sense right now...... and when I come back in like 20 days, everything will be different.. like some kind of an alternate reality.

Lord Beer me strength,

Merry Christmas all

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