Did the title get your attention?
I figured it would.
Yesterday I was nearby the planned parenthood here in Bloomington. I was dropping Kim of to one of her classes and she pointed out a middle aged man in a black jacket and khaki pants holding a rosary and silently reading a small piece of paper standing in the parking lot adjacent Planned Parenthood. As we were stopped at the stop light I found myself fixated on him. Kim said she saw him out there just the previous day as well.
He seemed so attuned to his task. He kept his head bowed and never stopped to look at his surroundings. I wondered to myself what he could be praying for. It was a stupid question really... He must have been praying to save unborn children. He must have been asking God to cleanse the building of what evils a death took place withen it's walls.
As the light turned green and we drove away I said to kim
"Doesn't that seem kind of stupid,"
Yet as soon as I said it I knew I had made a mistake. Inside I immediately knew that I had spoke that without realizing the full scope of my words. The first voice that spoke was my Liberal voice, the one that governs most of thought but unfortunately the Liberal voice is not always the most compromising.
In retrospect I had a sense of admiration for the man. He reminded me a lot of myself.
Just this last May I stood outside of a polling place near my hometown and held an Obama sign for 5 hours. This was my election day objective as given to me by my campaign coordinator. It might seem like a stupid task to most but I carried it out with zeal. I stood for those 5 hours with pride knowing that I was serving my cause and creating visibility. Sure my legs hurt, I got rained on a couple times, and I got a bunch of dirty looks but I was a soldier on the front lines....
I think that the man at Planned Parenthood was in a similar situation. Perhaps he was sent to do that by his church. There was something oddly powerful about him. Perhaps it was the rosary hanging from his hands. Rosarys I have always associated with Catholicism and archaic traditions from it's past. He was not a protester. He did not appear to be wanting to garner attention, he was merely there to pray for his cause...and like me standing outside of the polling place, he stood there with concentration and zeal.
There are those in my Liberal Circle of family and friends who will probably think that ideas like this are blasphemous but I have always had a sort of admiration for the Pro-Life community.
It comes back to my Adoption. When speaking about politics with people I like to mention that I'm a product of Pro-Life ideologies. I don't know very much about my adoption but I know that my birth mother was a christian and that she chose the option of life because she knew in her heart and through her faith that it was the right one. It is something that I shall be forever grateful for. Part of me wonders if there was any Pro-Life influences that might have guided her during her days of decision. I find it hard to believe she couldn't have....
This is one of the main reason why beliefs are pretty much aligned with Fundamentalist Christians on abortion. I think the value of a human life overrides the woman or the mans choice to avoid the life altering complications. I think the life cycle of a human being is the essence of beauty. A child is so full of life, and hope, and happiness. I just don't understand how people could chose abortion.
I understand a woman's right to choose, and it is her body but the thought of anyone killing an unborn child is horrible and inexcusable. My birth mother could have chosen abortion and I would not be here typing this now, and every little effect of I have had on the microcosms of this world would never have happened. That story is the story of every unborn child though.
I'm sorry If I have gotten to into politics, this has been something on my mind for awhile and when I saw the man standing with the rosary I felt compelled to express it.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
For some reason I got enspired to write before bed, here's what I got. I haven't written poetry in awhile but I think I struck something good here....
The Old Maple
Once there stood a maple tree.
It was tall and grand
It’s arms reached out like wooden arms
And It’s trunk was thick and Deep
When I was a child
I would swing underneath its shady branches
Singing my favorite songs with Dad
The basket swing would creak and sway in the breeze
The old maples strong arms held the old basket swing tight
Wind would caress my face, swinging free
The old Maple saw my first friendship
A summer afternoon
Two young boys
Swinging on the tree
The tire swing flying high into the air
Pushing, higher, highern higher.
In the fall it would drop thousands of colored leaves all over the lime green grass
The painter’s palette of leaves would crunch under our feet
We would rake them into giant piles and jump into them crashing and crunching
The Old Maple shielding us from the gray skies
In the cold winters
It would watch us as we built snow forts
And sledded down the giant mounds of snow
And when Night came
The old tree watched us walk into our warm homes and shake off our snow covered clothes
Eventually there was no tire swing, or basket swing
No leaf raking or snow fort building.
Only an old Maple Tree looking on
It’s ancient limbs becoming aged and weak
One day the old Maple was gone
Cut down to nothing but a stump of rotten wood
The yard where we played as kids seemed so empty
And the Old Maple which watched us grow up was gone.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
epiphany
In my family suicide has been a topic of discussion lately. It's a dark and grim topic to say the least. Sadly one of my cousin's cousin's committed the act last weekend and the cousin's and their cousin's have been reeling from the loss this week. I know "Cousin's cousin's" sounds odd and perhaps a little funny, sort of a he said she said gaffe but actually our families have always been closer than most average families I would say. This has been a difficult thing and I send my absolute sympathy to the family suffering from this tragic loss.
The topic of Suicide stirred a discussion in our family about High School and the cruelty of peers. The cousin who killed himself was in High School. I should make clear that this post is in no way associating any of the trauma that the student had with hardships suffered at school but that it was merely the segway for discussion within my immediate family.
I have a story I want to get off my chest.
Foremost I should say, I don't want to condemn schools for their lack of bullying control or rant about how much I did or did not suffer myself.
Instead I just want to share a bullying experience that has stayed with me from Middle School...In this case the story is about me being the bully and not coming to the full realization of it until 7 years later.
Names have obviously been changed.
----------------------
It was one of those typical days in middle school. It was lunch time and the rumors of the day were spreading across the tables of various clicks at our school. The big news of the day was that one of the less popular, and often teased kids in my class, "Bill" had written a sappy love letter to one of the more popular girls "Sarah" asking her to the upcoming dance. Sarah was a girl who I coincidentally had somewhat of a crush on.
Unfortunately for Bill, Sarah did not like Bill and so like many immature kids at the kids, she passed his letter on to all of her friends to laugh at. By lunch time it was common knowledge and everyone was laughing at Bill's expense.
I thought it was funny... I teased the kid from time to time. He was one of those guys who had a short temper and got into a lot fights because of it.
I should admit at this point that I'm a bastard, there is no getting around it... But at the same time I can also say Middle School was a bitch and I got teased very badly too. The cold reality of life at my middle school was surviving the social pyramid at which one placed themself on everyday.
When I teased kids who were beneath me on the Social Pyramid I inevitably felt better about myself. At the time I was a miserable wreck of adolescence dealing with the fact that life in middle school was all about submission. Submission to teachers, parents, the fact bodily attributes are changing and making self esteem at an all time low.
So anyways my next memory of the day is as I'm preparing to leave to go home. I remember feeling good because I knew my older cousin was coming to pick me up (He was a High School student at the time.) Riding home with him was absolutely cathartic at the time. There has never been anything in my life more therapeutic than driving home on those middle school afternoons listening to Heavy Metal. We never talked. My cousin would just crank the stereo up and I sat back and let all the frustrations of the day pour out me with the sound of the music that my parents probably would have not approved me listening to had Napster not put it out of their control.
Anyways I'm leaving the school and I'm totally pumped. I see that my cousin has his car parked next to the sidewalk a ways down from the doors and I begin walking towards his car.
A few steps ahead of me is the aforementioned Bill leaving school after his love interest had just embarrassed him and turned him down for the dance.
I felt a surge of confidence I suppose, I felt it was a good opportunity to be the angry asshole middle school kid I was a kick the poor guy while he was down,
I called out to him "Hey Bill, nice love letter you wrote to Sarah!!" Within seconds he was in my face with his fist clenched around the neck of my shirt meeting my face with a fiery look. He said something along the lines of "I will fucking kick your ass shafer" I remember feeling pretty scared. After all Bill was well known for getting it fights and I was more of a wuss myself. It seemed to happen extremely quick.
The next memory is of my cousin emerging from his car and crying out "HEY!" in a very threatning voice to Bill who was borderline strangling me. Without further action Bill took off walking, and I remember thinking he must have been scared away by my cousin. I gathered my composure and walked to the car where my cousin was waiting. I remember saying "Thanks, hes such a faggot" or something equally immature.
With that said I entered his car and we listened silently all the way home as we always did. At the time I remember thinking that the gesture in the parking lot was the coolest thing my cousin did for me in back in those years.
But now I realize that I never deserved his protection.
What I did that day was wrong. There is no excuse for what I did.
Last night I had an epiphany about this memory that I've carried for so long.
Bill probably had one of the worst days of his life that day. At least it would have been for me if something like that happend. The poor guy just wanted a girl he liked to go to the dance with him. He even created the letter for her on his computer. This was a big deal for him and it blew up in his face.
The comment I made to him as I left would have made me want to kill somebody if I was in his shoes. He was on his way out of school probably ready to put the day behind him and there I was to rub his misfourtune in his face again.
I used to believe that what happend that day was just one notch in the endless hell that was my time at Middle School. Collateral Damage.
I do not believe that anymore. I feel absolutely awful about what I did. If there was a way for me to go back into the past and act differently I would.
I think I understand now how messed up middle school was
I became a bully through the very system that should prevent bullying.
The pain I feel right now is every bit deserved....
If only I knew then what I know now........
The topic of Suicide stirred a discussion in our family about High School and the cruelty of peers. The cousin who killed himself was in High School. I should make clear that this post is in no way associating any of the trauma that the student had with hardships suffered at school but that it was merely the segway for discussion within my immediate family.
I have a story I want to get off my chest.
Foremost I should say, I don't want to condemn schools for their lack of bullying control or rant about how much I did or did not suffer myself.
Instead I just want to share a bullying experience that has stayed with me from Middle School...In this case the story is about me being the bully and not coming to the full realization of it until 7 years later.
Names have obviously been changed.
----------------------
It was one of those typical days in middle school. It was lunch time and the rumors of the day were spreading across the tables of various clicks at our school. The big news of the day was that one of the less popular, and often teased kids in my class, "Bill" had written a sappy love letter to one of the more popular girls "Sarah" asking her to the upcoming dance. Sarah was a girl who I coincidentally had somewhat of a crush on.
Unfortunately for Bill, Sarah did not like Bill and so like many immature kids at the kids, she passed his letter on to all of her friends to laugh at. By lunch time it was common knowledge and everyone was laughing at Bill's expense.
I thought it was funny... I teased the kid from time to time. He was one of those guys who had a short temper and got into a lot fights because of it.
I should admit at this point that I'm a bastard, there is no getting around it... But at the same time I can also say Middle School was a bitch and I got teased very badly too. The cold reality of life at my middle school was surviving the social pyramid at which one placed themself on everyday.
When I teased kids who were beneath me on the Social Pyramid I inevitably felt better about myself. At the time I was a miserable wreck of adolescence dealing with the fact that life in middle school was all about submission. Submission to teachers, parents, the fact bodily attributes are changing and making self esteem at an all time low.
So anyways my next memory of the day is as I'm preparing to leave to go home. I remember feeling good because I knew my older cousin was coming to pick me up (He was a High School student at the time.) Riding home with him was absolutely cathartic at the time. There has never been anything in my life more therapeutic than driving home on those middle school afternoons listening to Heavy Metal. We never talked. My cousin would just crank the stereo up and I sat back and let all the frustrations of the day pour out me with the sound of the music that my parents probably would have not approved me listening to had Napster not put it out of their control.
Anyways I'm leaving the school and I'm totally pumped. I see that my cousin has his car parked next to the sidewalk a ways down from the doors and I begin walking towards his car.
A few steps ahead of me is the aforementioned Bill leaving school after his love interest had just embarrassed him and turned him down for the dance.
I felt a surge of confidence I suppose, I felt it was a good opportunity to be the angry asshole middle school kid I was a kick the poor guy while he was down,
I called out to him "Hey Bill, nice love letter you wrote to Sarah!!" Within seconds he was in my face with his fist clenched around the neck of my shirt meeting my face with a fiery look. He said something along the lines of "I will fucking kick your ass shafer" I remember feeling pretty scared. After all Bill was well known for getting it fights and I was more of a wuss myself. It seemed to happen extremely quick.
The next memory is of my cousin emerging from his car and crying out "HEY!" in a very threatning voice to Bill who was borderline strangling me. Without further action Bill took off walking, and I remember thinking he must have been scared away by my cousin. I gathered my composure and walked to the car where my cousin was waiting. I remember saying "Thanks, hes such a faggot" or something equally immature.
With that said I entered his car and we listened silently all the way home as we always did. At the time I remember thinking that the gesture in the parking lot was the coolest thing my cousin did for me in back in those years.
But now I realize that I never deserved his protection.
What I did that day was wrong. There is no excuse for what I did.
Last night I had an epiphany about this memory that I've carried for so long.
Bill probably had one of the worst days of his life that day. At least it would have been for me if something like that happend. The poor guy just wanted a girl he liked to go to the dance with him. He even created the letter for her on his computer. This was a big deal for him and it blew up in his face.
The comment I made to him as I left would have made me want to kill somebody if I was in his shoes. He was on his way out of school probably ready to put the day behind him and there I was to rub his misfourtune in his face again.
I used to believe that what happend that day was just one notch in the endless hell that was my time at Middle School. Collateral Damage.
I do not believe that anymore. I feel absolutely awful about what I did. If there was a way for me to go back into the past and act differently I would.
I think I understand now how messed up middle school was
I became a bully through the very system that should prevent bullying.
The pain I feel right now is every bit deserved....
If only I knew then what I know now........
Sunday, August 31, 2008
First one down
I have officially been living in Bloomington for 1 week and 3 days now. For the most part it is begenning to feel more normal.
I completed my first week of classes and I feel good about going to Ivy Tech here. It doesn't feel that much different than Ft Wayne. There is more people and I never actually had any classes at the main campus in Ft. Wayne as opposed to the 3 classes I have at the main campus here.
I love the culture here. Liberalism is not just a political stance here it is a lifestyle.
Kim and I watched the Democratic National Convention with my aunt and uncle here and talked a great deal of politics. It's so interesting the stark differences between Ossian and here. My aunt and Uncle were utterly shocked at how "Conservative" our high school was about teaching Darwin's theory of Evolultion, and sex education. I always just took this for granted than Norwell was like any public high school.
I'm still trying to maintain my healthier lifestyle here. Eating healthy isn't to hard. Kim and I buy generally only healthy things from the grocery store. Convienantly we have a Marsh right across the street from us and we both have Marsh cards which have already saved us quite a bit of cash.
I'm still working out too. Trying to play tennis or jog at least every other day. We have a great trail for jogging fairly close to our house. We walked there the other day but it was too long for an enjoyable walk.
Hope everyone is well,
Sam
I completed my first week of classes and I feel good about going to Ivy Tech here. It doesn't feel that much different than Ft Wayne. There is more people and I never actually had any classes at the main campus in Ft. Wayne as opposed to the 3 classes I have at the main campus here.
I love the culture here. Liberalism is not just a political stance here it is a lifestyle.
Kim and I watched the Democratic National Convention with my aunt and uncle here and talked a great deal of politics. It's so interesting the stark differences between Ossian and here. My aunt and Uncle were utterly shocked at how "Conservative" our high school was about teaching Darwin's theory of Evolultion, and sex education. I always just took this for granted than Norwell was like any public high school.
I'm still trying to maintain my healthier lifestyle here. Eating healthy isn't to hard. Kim and I buy generally only healthy things from the grocery store. Convienantly we have a Marsh right across the street from us and we both have Marsh cards which have already saved us quite a bit of cash.
I'm still working out too. Trying to play tennis or jog at least every other day. We have a great trail for jogging fairly close to our house. We walked there the other day but it was too long for an enjoyable walk.
Hope everyone is well,
Sam
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Sam VS the Internet Woes
Hey everyone,
Just thought I would let you know how I'm doing. I'm begenning to feel more settled here in Bloomington. My classes started yesterday.
Im taking Creative Writing, Introduction to Political Science, Math 044, and American History II.
My history class doesn't start until Friday but I have got my first taste of my other three. I'm looking forward to my Creative Writing and Political Science. It's been awhile since I have done some good creative writing and I'm really exciting about writing again. It's always been on my mind as a major and maybe this class will get me some more taste of that field of study.
Also I think it will be exciting to take political science during this election season. My last political science class which I took senior year of high school was rather bland because of there wasn't really a lot going on in the world of politics.
The apartment is nice. The only annoyance so far has been the internet-- and it was a rather bad one. For some reason the last two days our internet was lagging badly and it made web surfing irritating and online games impossible. Thankfully I was able to get a hold of the company that runs our broadband lines and it appears (Fingers crossed) that they fixed it. My Uncle thought it might be because of excessive bandwidth usage in our apartment complex but the lag issue was prevalent literally every hour of the day!
This problem was so irritating to me... maybe to an extent--- a little more so than it should have been. However this was the first time it really hit me that I was on my own. Back home I would have been able to get my parents or my uncle to help with me but here I'm on my own to deal with technical issues-- and really ALL issues for that matter.
So begins my journey of living on my own :-)
-Sam
Just thought I would let you know how I'm doing. I'm begenning to feel more settled here in Bloomington. My classes started yesterday.
Im taking Creative Writing, Introduction to Political Science, Math 044, and American History II.
My history class doesn't start until Friday but I have got my first taste of my other three. I'm looking forward to my Creative Writing and Political Science. It's been awhile since I have done some good creative writing and I'm really exciting about writing again. It's always been on my mind as a major and maybe this class will get me some more taste of that field of study.
Also I think it will be exciting to take political science during this election season. My last political science class which I took senior year of high school was rather bland because of there wasn't really a lot going on in the world of politics.
The apartment is nice. The only annoyance so far has been the internet-- and it was a rather bad one. For some reason the last two days our internet was lagging badly and it made web surfing irritating and online games impossible. Thankfully I was able to get a hold of the company that runs our broadband lines and it appears (Fingers crossed) that they fixed it. My Uncle thought it might be because of excessive bandwidth usage in our apartment complex but the lag issue was prevalent literally every hour of the day!
This problem was so irritating to me... maybe to an extent--- a little more so than it should have been. However this was the first time it really hit me that I was on my own. Back home I would have been able to get my parents or my uncle to help with me but here I'm on my own to deal with technical issues-- and really ALL issues for that matter.
So begins my journey of living on my own :-)
-Sam
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Greetings from B-Town
Hello from B-Town everyone,
Below are a few pics of the apartment. I apologize about the blurriness of some of the pictures. My camera was struggling to take good pictures today... either that or I'm simply bad at operating it. Either way this will give you a little taste of our humble abode. We are mostly moved in now. It was extremely hot today and yesterday and between moving all of our things in, getting all the appliances to work, and running errands to buy essentials or items we forgot, we are pretty tired. Last night we both slept pretty well and look to do the same tonight. So far things are going pretty well around here. Other than a major shouting match between the neighbors catty-corner to us we haven't had any distractions and the place seems pretty cozy. It's hard to believe that I'm really living here though! It still seems kinda like the first day or two in a hotel room, there is still such a foreign feel to it. However the place is begenning to look more and more homey and most of the major projects are done at least for me! Kim still wants to paint her. I'm not super homesick. I got to see my cousin, and my aunt and uncle today which was nice. It's good knowing that family isn't far away. I think once my classes start and I get more used to the apartment and my surroundings this place will feel more like "home". I hope everyone is doing well and I will try to update this blog as frequently as I can.
Heres to my first year away from home
Below are a few pics of the apartment. I apologize about the blurriness of some of the pictures. My camera was struggling to take good pictures today... either that or I'm simply bad at operating it. Either way this will give you a little taste of our humble abode. We are mostly moved in now. It was extremely hot today and yesterday and between moving all of our things in, getting all the appliances to work, and running errands to buy essentials or items we forgot, we are pretty tired. Last night we both slept pretty well and look to do the same tonight. So far things are going pretty well around here. Other than a major shouting match between the neighbors catty-corner to us we haven't had any distractions and the place seems pretty cozy. It's hard to believe that I'm really living here though! It still seems kinda like the first day or two in a hotel room, there is still such a foreign feel to it. However the place is begenning to look more and more homey and most of the major projects are done at least for me! Kim still wants to paint her. I'm not super homesick. I got to see my cousin, and my aunt and uncle today which was nice. It's good knowing that family isn't far away. I think once my classes start and I get more used to the apartment and my surroundings this place will feel more like "home". I hope everyone is doing well and I will try to update this blog as frequently as I can.
Heres to my first year away from home
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Update
Hello, to all those who still by chance read this.
It has been awhile since I have posted and I understand this blog has gone perhaps a little to the wayside.
Nonetheless I thought I would make an update.
I finished my first semester of college at Ivy Tech and got two B's. One of the B's came from English 111 which I'm quite proud of because some of the writing assignments in that class were very difficult and pushed my writing ability in ways that it hadn't been pushed in High School.
I'm glad Summer is here. All my friends are home and it looks like it will be a pretty fun Summer.
I'm taking my first college level History course starting next week and I'm excited as well about that. I'm considering History as a potential major down the road and I think my first taste of the college level history will give me a good impression of what the road ahead might be like.
I'm made a promise to myself back in January... (No not a resolution) That I would become more active and healthy this summer. So far I think I'm doing pretty well. I have been going over to my grandparents several days a week to use their stationary bike and treadmill. I also have recently rekindled my love for Tennis. I went out and bought a new racket and plan to play as often as I can this summer.
Things are looking up
Sam
It has been awhile since I have posted and I understand this blog has gone perhaps a little to the wayside.
Nonetheless I thought I would make an update.
I finished my first semester of college at Ivy Tech and got two B's. One of the B's came from English 111 which I'm quite proud of because some of the writing assignments in that class were very difficult and pushed my writing ability in ways that it hadn't been pushed in High School.
I'm glad Summer is here. All my friends are home and it looks like it will be a pretty fun Summer.
I'm taking my first college level History course starting next week and I'm excited as well about that. I'm considering History as a potential major down the road and I think my first taste of the college level history will give me a good impression of what the road ahead might be like.
I'm made a promise to myself back in January... (No not a resolution) That I would become more active and healthy this summer. So far I think I'm doing pretty well. I have been going over to my grandparents several days a week to use their stationary bike and treadmill. I also have recently rekindled my love for Tennis. I went out and bought a new racket and plan to play as often as I can this summer.
Things are looking up
Sam
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
